All About the Elusive Spark
The elusive spark that everyone is searching so desperately for, the one that's kept many of us awake at night -
What's it all about it, and how is it potentially sabotaging you from making real connections?
The spark is that feeling of chemistry between two people. The one that gives you butterflies and makes your knees weak.
It feels so good to have it, and so painfully awful when it’s gone.
The thing with the intense spark is that if it starts to make you feel weak, distracted, anxious, and ungrounded, it is not likely to be a healthy experience where you feel at peace and anchored in your worth.
Oftentimes, the spark is a symptom of our nervous systems feeling, well…nervous.
Something about the person may feel elusive or enchanting. And we’ve learned to associate these feelings of excitement (in other words, nervousness) – for love.
We've been been conditioned to believe the "spark" is the ultimate sign of true love, but is often anything but.
It's often a sign of trauma bonding, or an anxious chase (when you chase someone who's not actually available, it feels so utterly exciting to have that person's attention, even if for a short time).
If the spark is immediate, and you do not even know the person – then what is it really based on?
And what if you could experience a spark that gets stronger over time, instead?
It’s ok that you don’t feel an intense pull to someone right away.
In the book, “How to Not Die Alone”, author Logan Ury refers to the Mere Exposure Effect study.
This study asks students to rate the attractiveness of their peers on the first day of school and then again on the last; they consistently saw across the board that they rated their classmates higher as they got to know them.
What if it gets to be that way for you, too?
I’m not suggesting you push yourself to date someone who just feels like an all around no.
I’m suggesting that we shift the idea of the spark all together, and start asking questions like,
> Can I see myself building something with this person?
> Can I see myself growing closer to this person over time?
> Can I see myself appreciating him more as I get to know him?
These 3 questions “sparked” a budding relationship for a client of mine inside of School of Love’s Inner Circle.
After the first date, she was questioning if her attraction towards him was there.
These three questions anchored her in curiosity.
After date #3 and a steamy make-out session – she had no more questions. The attraction was DEFINITELY there, and she was happy she stuck it out long enough to see that.
Are you willing to try this on for yourself?
P.S. Early bird pricing and bonuses for Inner Circle ends April 3rd. Is it calling to your heart? If so, I invite you to send in your application here (we make sure every woman who joins is the perfect fit)
With love,
Diana