Choosing Your Battles Has a Whole New Meaning
We’ve all heard the phrase “choose your battles wisely” when it comes to disagreements you might have with someone else.
But what about with yourself?
Yesterday I was on a call with a client who was describing how challenging it is to let things go when she gets triggered by her boyfriend.
I asked her how she handles disappointments she has with herself - to which she replied I practice immediate radical forgiveness.
Which is of course amazingly useful.
And yet, while some moments call for instant forgiveness, others would be better served digging in.
A little time spent in the face of something you “failed at” can be highly lucrative for new self-awareness and understanding.
It comes right back to learning to choose your battles, even with yourself.
When there’s something that passes your litmus test of deserving your attention, you want to practice going in, reaching for it and coming out on the other side.
In other words, looking at the “issue or mistake” right in the face, feeling the discomfort of it, finding the lesson in it, and making the commitment to yourself of how you want to show up differently next time.
This is true self-acceptance, because you allow yourself to actually see “it” (it being the thing that makes you uncomfortable/sad/regretful) and still love yourself.
As you get familiar with doing this with yourself, it gets easier to do the same thing in your relationship.
Look at the issue with your partner, feel the discomfort of facing it, and then move past it.
This is true love.
And this not only brings you closer together and to new heights of growth as a couple, it also allows you to drop your worries about being fooled - you are clearly facing the problem and consciously choosing to accept it.
So the next time you want to either skip looking at your own shit or spend way too much time there, remember that as you practice facing your stuff with a loving lens, it gets easier to do it with someone else.
With love,
Diana