What If I Gave My Husband the Same Grace I Gave My Friends

What if I gave my husband the same grace I gave my friends?

This thought hit me like a ton of bricks one evening as I took a bath, which is where I go to relax and where many of my ideas flow. 

My next thought was, what would it take to do that? 

The answer -- unconditional love -- made me uncomfortable, to say the least. 

Does this mean I don’t love my husband unconditionally? I didn’t expect that. 

And yet, that’s exactly what it points to. 

All too often we hold our partners to certain expectations and reply with a wounded response when they don’t manage to meet them all (spoiler alert: they never will). 

Here’s the thing: our most intimate relationships always cause us the most pain when we have unconscious insecurities - it hurts so damn much when they rub up on our unhealed wounds.  

Which means there’s a reason your mind puts up walls with your partner -- logical, yes, but certainly not helpful. It’s like putting up a dam so the water can’t flow through - the water, in this case, is love. 

Yes, I want you to have standards that are a true reflection of what your soul knows you to be worthy of -- not of what your mind fears. 

And that is the key difference, my friends. 

Your soul’s perspective vs. your mind’s fear. 

So rather than feeling abandoned when my husband moves through a busy season in his life, I can give him loving space while respecting what I need. 

Grace, both for him and for myself. 

And with grace, there’s a softness that makes us both feel safe to completely lean in and just be there for each other, even when that means more time apart. 

So if you have yourself a loving partner at home that you deeply want to connect with and who you are simultaneously being hard on, ask yourself, how you can ease up on some of your expectations, and give him grace. 

With love,

Diana