Once Upon A Time, I Was An Over Giver In My Relationships.

I thought that being a good partner meant putting his needs ahead of mine, thinking about how our relationship was doing (all the time), putting on the perfect “I’m a cool girlfriend” show for his friends, buying thoughtful gifts, and making myself completely available to him.

From my point of view, I was the ultimate girlfriend. This must be how great relationships are built, I thought. 

What transpired instead was a series of relationships where I felt stuck, frustrated and bewildered about how these men couldn’t see my worth.

If I was bending so much for them, couldn’t they at least try to do the same for me?

Each of these relationships was showing me that I under valued myself. From the way I showed up to what I accepted in return, the proof was all there in my way of being.

My over-giving, overthinking and overdoing were symptoms of my underlying narrative of “not-enoughness”, and were sending very clear unconscious signals saying, 

“I don’t believe myself to be worthy, so let me prove it to you.”

And if you’ve ever been around someone trying to prove their worth to you, you know exactly how icky this can feel.

When this became painfully clear to me, I knew it was time to try on a new way.

I practiced feeling at home and deeply in love with myself, anchoring in what I know my value to be (hello, I am Universal magic!!), and allowing myself to feel safe enough to lean back and let myself receive.

We forget that the final piece of manifestation is all about receiving.

Until I received the most beautiful man named Jack.

With him, I was different.

I knew he was a catch, and I knew myself to be one, too.

For the first time in my life, I was being myself.

No performance, simply being me. And I left ample space for him to also show up for me and show his interest and intent.

Receiving his compliments, offers of help, dinner dates, kisses with total relaxed receivership.

And he ate it up.

Telling me how much of a woman I am.

What he was saying was that he was experiencing me as a woman who can receive, which made him feel empowered in his masculine.

10 years and 2 kids later, this is still our dynamic; and because of it, our love, attraction and desire for one another gets stronger with each day.

How would it feel to experience love in this way?

To put down the doership and let yourself be given to?

With love,

Diana