Are You Asking Too Little or Too Much?

Am I asking too little? Am I asking too much? It’s hard to know sometimes. 

A helpful way to begin answering this is to notice where you tend to undercut yourself.

Do you tend to feel guilty for asking for what you need? Do you immediately jump to justifying your partner’s actions?

I have one client who discovered that she values her partner’s opinions - on all subjects - more than her own. 

So, her “work” is to practice sharing her point of view from an empowered place (kindly and compassionately - not forcefully and righteously) and really anchoring in why this is her chosen perspective. 

This is her stepping up for herself. Where she tends to shrink and minimize herself, she will now practice expanding.

There’s also the other end of the spectrum - where what you need and what you’re asking for actually needs to evolve.

For example, if you insist that your partner message you every morning and every night, it may be worth questioning why you need this and if there’s something you can provide for yourself here.

Yes, your partner can do their part in giving you what you need, but they don’t have to make all your insecurities ok for you. 

This is actually your opportunity to grow so that messages from your partner become more of a treat than an absolute need.

Like with most women I work with, chances are you’re playing on both ends of the spectrum - in some ways selling yourself short, and in other ways, asking for things you can actually learn to do more for yourself.

Regardless of which end of the spectrum you’re playing on, it’s important to remember that just like you, your partner finds it challenging to implement new habits and stick to them.

What matters is their reaction when you express your needs. 

Do they respect you and are they willing to try to understand where you’re coming from?

If yes, amazing. That gives you both something to work with - together.

And if this is the case, rather than expecting them to do it perfectly and make an immediate switch, ask if there’s a way you can help them, help you.

What do they need to really put this in place?

I’m curious how does reading this make you feel - what comes up for you?

With love,
Diana