Communication Hack for Lovers

One of the worst things you could do to your relationship is throw around little critical comments.

These comments, as tempting and innocent as they may seem are chipping away at your connection like a bad paint job. 

They build up walls of resentment.

Create a need for protection.

Shift the dynamic from connection to competition.

So what should you do instead?

Collect your thoughts, get clear on what’s at the heart of what’s actually bothering you, and set aside time to communicate honestly, kindly, and compassionately.

It amazes me how foreign this concept is to most of us. Very few of us have been taught to communicate consciously in this way.

To do this effectively, you actually need to spend time deciphering your thoughts and feelings - alone, with yourself.

The reasons why we throw jabs at our partners are anchored in fear - fear of being taken advantage of, losing control, being with the wrong person, wasting our time, honestly, the list goes on.

Our belief systems are rooted in lack - of time, money, love, connection.

To cultivate the relationship you actually want, you need to pull the beliefs that no longer serve you.

I’ve recently witnessed myself making comments about spending more quality time together. They started off as few and far between, and slowly started accelerating. I could see myself spiraling. 

I know by now that the solution can’t be found from this place, that I need to sit with myself and see what’s really up.

Here’s what came up as soon as I asked myself the question, what beliefs am I holding onto that aren’t serving us?

The quick answer - “our connection is fading.”

True or not true, this perspective had me tripping. Because every time I think that thought, I start acting from a weird place - saying random things to bring up this “issue” or try to fix it.

Very unhelpful.

So I pulled it.

And as soon as I did, I felt more relaxed and found it immediately easier to just sink into Jack’s arms and...connect.

What I wanted was right there in front of me. But my beliefs and the subsequent comments I made were pulling us apart.

Which brings me to you.

What beliefs do you hold about your partner and relationship that are getting in the way of your connection?

With love,
Diana