From Ego Expectations, To Soul Standards, All The Way To Desires

One of the questions I’m often asked inside of my circles is, “how do I know if I’m asking too much?”.

I get it.

We’re told to be clear about our needs.

We’re also told not to be needy.

So what gives?

Is speaking up a sign of my strength or insecurity?

We break it down very clearly inside of The School of Love ™.

When you’re speaking from your wounds, fear and lack – these are your ego expectations. In this space, you are very much attached to outcomes.

For some people, this is delivered from an inflated ego – it’s my way or the highway type of vibe.

For others, it’s delivered with desperation – bread crumbing type of behaviour. Like, ‘would you pretty please just call me sometimes and make me feel at all wanted?’.

Different deliveries, both equally steeped in fear.

The secure space in the middle, is where you find your soul standards – this is a space where you anchor in the feeling of safety within yourself, and express your needs from this place.

Yes, your soul standards are your needs.

The very things YOU need to feel in alignment with continuing to explore a relationship.

They are also the standards with which you hold yourself to.

With these needs met, much like Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, we can move to self-actualization – or in this case, desires.

This is all about your wants. Dreams. The ‘mmmm I get to have it all’ type of energy.

Like one of the women in our Inner Circle recently shared – she needs to feel wanted in a relationship.

At first, she judged herself for this. Calling herself needy.

But with some radical self-acceptance as she called it, and a reminder from me that this is a soul standard of hers, she is now fully permitting herself to claim this need.

Her desire is to have a partner who wants to show and proclaim over and over again how much he wants to be with her. She was very specific about what this would look like for her.

For some of you reading this, that might sound like an inflated expectation.

But I can tell you with confidence, that this woman is so embodied in this desire that it’s coming from pure love energy – no lack here.

So, when you’re asking yourself if you’re asking too much, start by getting honest with yourself.

Is this coming from fear and lack? Am I asking this person to heal something within me that I won’t tend to myself?

If yes, there’s some information for you to move with on your healing journey.

If no, then it may actually be a soul standard of yours.

There are so many nuances in relating. And it’s my joy in life to help you tune into what is the most true for you, and act from that place.

This is the level of support you get in our spaces.

With love,

Diana