How To “Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway” In Your Love Life

One of the topics that come up often in my programs is about how to do something that you know you want and need to do when there is so much fear around doing it.

While there are many layers to this, including doing somatic (body) release work to free the emotion of fear from your body, there’s also a power question you can ask yourself – or more accurately, your inner child:

“How can I support you in this transition?”

Let me demonstrate how this works.

We are currently in the process of wrapping up at my toddler’s current school and sending him off to a new one.

Every time we mention it, he has a big emotional breakdown. He says he doesn’t want to do it again and deeply cries at the idea of having to start all over.

The mama bear in me wants to run right back to his current school and forget the whole damn thing. But that’s just not possible. It’s also not helpful.

The question isn’t, are we still going to change schools? That decision is made, the wheels are in motion.

The only question now is, how can we support you (our son) in making this transition a little easier?

That’s looked like walking past his new school several times, showing pictures of his classroom and the sensory rooms, buying him a new water bottle that he’ll bring with him on his first day, along with his favorite stuffed animal, and asking him what he needs to help make this less scary, and more fun.

And this is the same process I suggest for you if you’re currently facing a fear.

Rather than trying to avoid it altogether, go to that fear like you would a child and ask, what do you need to feel less scared – how can I support you?

This is a process we recently tried with a woman inside of School of Love’s Inner Circle (our 6-month program).

She so badly wants to date again and meet her new partner, and she’s equally afraid of this, too.

She knows that with dating comes an abundance of unknowns, and after surviving the breakup of a 9-year relationship, she’s hesitant about inviting in more uncertainty.

By listening to her fears and processing them, we discovered that her inner child (who very much dislikes change) needed a reminder that every time she moves towards what she wants, even when that involves change – her life is majorly upgraded.

That was enough to get her inner child on board and get her to start dating again.

And when her inner child inevitably gets fearful again?

She’ll remind her of this simple truth and ask if there’s anything else she needs.

Trust me when I say, this process works.

My son is now fully accepting (and even excited) to start at his new school.

Yes, this involved inviting in his fears (and tears) more times than I wanted to, but by addressing them enough times and allowing him to feel seen and supported, he feels much more confident about this transition.

What are you currently desiring for your life, and are simultaneously afraid of?

And are you willing to move through this fear, rather than avoid it?

With love,
Diana