Your Permission Slip

One of the topics that’s come up in my last round of Inner Circle (the single ladies group) is this idea of feeling okay with going on a few dates with someone before you know how you feel about them.

It was amazing to see how many of the women in the group felt “guilty” about doing this.

They don’t want to lead a man on.

They don’t want to break his heart.

They don’t want to waste anyone’s time.

---These are all great intentions AND they are not serving anyone.

There is no such thing as risk free dating, for you or for him.

And often times, it takes a few dates for you to really get a feel for someone.

Sometimes, we know right away. Sometimes, we don’t.

The Mere Exposure Effect study shows that our attraction to people grows over time as we get to know them in low pressure situations.

Think long time friends who become lovers.

So, instead of putting the pressure on yourself to have it all figured out after the first date, what if you gave yourself the grace of time and gave him the grace of getting to show more of himself to you with every date?

With the pressure off, you are creating space for the possibility of the connection to flourish.

And let me be clear, you are not “bad” for doing this.

You’re being fair.

Of course, there are exceptions where you absolutely know from a first date that it is a hell to the no.

If that’s the case, release him kindly and move on.

For all other cases, consider this your permission slip to go on a few more dates before making up your mind.

How does that feel?

With love,

Diana