Guest Post by Andrea Arrizza: How Speaking Your Partner’s Love Language Deepens Your Relationship

Whether you’re newly dating or in a relationship, there’s one challenge that most of us experience at one point or another: learning to express love that will resonate with someone we care about.

Whether it be showering them with affection, being lovey-dovey through text or spoiling them with gifts, oftentimes we express love the way we want to receive it.

Oftentimes, your gestures may not make them feel loved or light them up in the way you’d hope.

Reason being? You aren’t speaking their love language.

Gary Chapman author of the best selling book “The Five Love Languages”, discovered that there are five primary ways that we tend to receive and express love:

1. Gift Giving

2. Acts of Service

3. Quality Time

4. Words of Affirmation

5. Physical Touch

Discovering one another’s love language will impact your relationship in a positive way.

For starters, it’ll help you better understand how to effectively communicate your love for one another without getting “lost in translation”.

In other words: You can stop embracing your partner like a Care Bear when all they really want is for you to cook them a home-cooked meal after a long day of work.

Here’s an overview of each that’ll help you win their heart by speaking their language:

1. Gift Giving

For people who love receiving and giving gifts, it’s all about the “visual symbols of love”, which communicates love through attentiveness and thoughtfulness. Gift-giving can easily be mistaken for being expensive, which is far from the truth.

Take it from someone whose primary love language is gift-giving, it’s less about the price tag and more about the thought behind the gift.

Bonus points if it’s a surprise.

It’s important to put yourself in their shoes when buying them a gift. It’s less about what you think they need and more about what they’d like.

Taking the time to observe their likes/dislikes goes a long way in buying a gift that lights them up.

From picking up their favourite chocolate while grocery shopping, surprising them with flowers on a stressful day or even delivering their favourite food via Uber Eats the timing and intention behind the gift speaks volumes.

For people with this love language, there's no greater feeling than being surprised with something that speaks to them directly and shows them that they were on your mind.

After all, it’s the thought and significance behind the gift that matters most.

2. Acts of Service

When it comes to acts of service, actions speak louder than words.

People with this love language feel appreciated and loved the most when you’re helping them out with something or going out of your way to make their life easier. From unloading the dishwasher to picking them up at the bus stop after work, it’s the “little things'' that make the biggest difference in the long haul.

As someone whose secondary love language is acts of service, I’ll be the first to admit the “little” things may not feel so little at times.

Sometimes, it can feel like a laundry list of chores and involve doing things your partner doesn’t enjoy or have the energy to do like picking up groceries or hauling the garbage bags down a 10 story apartment building.

Nothing says I love you more than knocking off several items off the chore list for them. The important thing is knowing exactly what act of service has the greatest impact.

If you pay close attention you’ll notice how certain acts of service resonate more than others.

Another way of figuring this out is by simply asking them:

What can I do to help you today?

Remember: An act of service is done out of love. It’s not a demand that needs to get done, but a request to make their lives easier and in the process makes them feel most loved.

3. Quality Time

Focus and undivided attention are at the heart of this love language.

Cozying up with your partner while you watch the hockey game as they scroll through Instagram on their phone doesn’t count!

For this love language, the focus is on “quality” over quantity.

The kind that deserves your undivided attention.

Finding time daily to actively listen to your partner and spending time with them distraction-free is the way to their heart.

Whether that be going for a walk around the block every night, catching up with them on your lunch break or simply taking part in fun activities, the options are endless.

Taking the initiative in finding fun activities you both can enjoy will leave them smiling from cheek to cheek.

What’s important is being fully present when you’re with them.

4. Words of Affirmation

When it comes to this love language, the way to their heart is through your words.

In case you were wondering, no you don’t need to be Shakespeare and write beautiful poems or leave a trail of romantic sticky notes all around the home (leave that for a special occasion) to win their heart.

If your partner’s love language is words of affirmation there are multiple ways to express your love towards them on the daily which include: compliments, offering encouraging and kind words as well as verbal acknowledgements.

Words that build them up not bring them down is what matters most.

For example, sending them a cute text to show you’re thinking of them in the middle of the day speaks volumes.

Or better yet, acknowledging something they did that you admire such as their reliability or ability to problem-solve their way out of anything will make them feel loved and appreciated.

5. Physical Touch

As someone whose currently dating someone with this love language, let’s confront the elephant in the room: Physical touch isn’t just about sex.

As an intimate act, it isn’t the only way to receive the “touch of love”.

A person with this love language feels most loved through daily physical affection. It can be as simple as holding hands, kissing, caressing them while watching a movie and keeping close body contact throughout the day.

Physical contact releases bonding hormones such as dopamine and serotonin which creates happiness and relaxation. For someone with this love language, the experience is felt more intensely and according to Gary Chapman is the equivalent of an “emotional lifeline”.

Nothing says “I love you” more than holding them close while falling asleep together or showing affection when they least expect it. The warmth and comfort coming from a loved one speak louder than words.

For people with this love language, physical contact is everything.

So go ahead and cuddle your way into a date night. Or offer them a personal massage, I guarantee they’ll be glowing from head to toe, physically, mentally and emotionally.

Being aware of you and your partner’s love language will allow you to express your love for one another in a meaningful way.

By tuning into your partner’s language, you’ll learn to express love in ways they truly understand and appreciate. This will develop a deeper sense of empathy and as a result, build a stronger bond with your partner.

After all, one of the greatest gifts you can give your partner is speaking their language.

Don’t know your love language or that of your partner’s? You can take the quiz here.

This guest post was lovingly written by Andrea Arrizza x