Open the Doors to the Healthiest Love You Have Ever Experienced

We are quick to notice what our partners do that trigger us.

But how about how we trigger them?

I see this so often in my coaching sessions; women coming to me with all the complaints about what their men do that drive them crazy.

Which is fine at first, they need to be heard.

But as we move along our journey together, I start to have them reflect on what they might possibly be doing to contribute to their own problems, and how they may be triggering their partners.

It’s always an eye-opening moment. 

Now let me go ahead and insert a little caveat here by saying that by no means do I want you to start questioning your every move or blaming yourself. 

And I know there are some women reading this who play on the other end of the spectrum: always worrying about their partners, and never standing for their own desires - this too, might be triggering for him.

I’m talking about the tendency of seeing everything from your perspective, and not from his.

For example, I worked with a woman who wanted her partner to help more around the house. Rather than sitting down and having a mature conversation about what she needs and what this would provide for her, she chose to throw little jabs about his laziness, hoping this would motivate him to get his a** off the couch and into the kitchen.

It obviously didn’t work.

Because every time she did this, she triggered his fear that he is not a valuable partner; that he doesn’t have much to offer.

When she finally saw this, she broke down. First with tears, then with celebration. She hadn’t realized he had actually wanted to be there for her but felt like he wasn’t quite good enough.

When they opened up that conversation, they were able to alchemize all the fear that had moved into their relationship, into deep love and partnership.

Seeing only from your point of view, or only from his, is not healthy. 

But when you take both into consideration, you open the doors to the healthiest love you have ever experienced.

This, I promise you.

With love,
Diana