Do You Love Who He Is?

Last week I hosted a 2-part series in my Facebook group about my full love story from elementary school all the way into my marriage – completely raw & unfiltered.

And one of the things I shared, really touched the women watching:

When Jack and I were first dating, and we had the “where is this going” conversation about 8 months in, there was a moment I thought I would lose him.

And for the first time in my life, the devastation wasn’t about losing the relationship and what that might mean about me.

It was about the possibility of losing such a beautiful person in my life.

Someone I learned so much from.

Someone I had new experiences with.

Someone I deeply admired and appreciated so much.

In the past, it had always been about what losing that person meant about ME.

This time was different.

This was true love. One that wasn’t tied up in my ego and self-worth.

Because sometimes, we think we love someone when what we love is how they or being with them, makes us feel about ourselves.

Please, read that one again.

This was different. Losing his presence in my life would have felt like a true loss.

I can also recall helping a girlfriend gain clarity about her relationship with a similar reflection and question.

She wondered what to do, because she was hesitating to stay in her new relationship. The man she was seeing had been very focused on doing things for her, and complimenting her - which is of course, lovely, and still, didn’t quite feel like enough.

I asked her:

Do you love who he is, or is it more about how he makes you feel?

That’s when she realized – she didn’t really love him.

She loved what being with him did for the ease of her life.

And so, her decision was made.

He deserved to be with someone who loved who he was and saw the best in him, as he did in her.

So, the next time you find yourself holding on to someone who doesn’t quite feel in alignment for you, I ask you to consider –