For The First Time In A Long Time

Recently, for the first time in a long time, I got triggered by something Jack said to me.

It took me by surprise…

This simple comment that turned me inside, out.

Within minutes of hearing them, I had the response to take a walk and process.

At first, I was deep in the stories.

“He’s judging me. He thinks I’m a bad mother. It’s all my fault. Oh ya, well how would he like it if I wasn’t around to help anymore?”

Woah, the fire in my belly was real.

I let myself go deeper. I've been re-exploring my relationship to anger, so a quiet part of me knows...this is the invitation.

I was no longer just thinking these things, I was also saying some of them out loud.

I was rehearsing things to say that would make him feel my pain, that would position me as the victim.

In that moment I wanted him to feel the hurt I was feeling. Is that really love, Diana?

I let myself feel the anger knowing on a deeper level that this has nothing to do with Jack.

Then I started to feel without the stories.

There was a stillness in my inner chatter and I was simply sensing my body.

And some tears were shed.

Within minutes, I started to feel regulated again. I was starting to feel safe…

And as the safety continued to expand in my body, the truth starting setting in…

I am safe with this man.

I am safe with myself.

I love him deeply.

He loves me deeply.

He is not trying to hurt me.

I am safe.

As I anchor this into my body, I remember that Jack and I had planned to take the kids to his parents for the day so we could spend quality time together.

And I realized I was at a crossroad.

Was I going to stay in the anger and resentment and let the day escape us, or was I willing to relax, let go and receive the day?

Then I had the thought…If this was our last day together, how would I want to spend it?

That was enough to snap me back into clarity.

To breathe and let this the f*ck go.

To relax and receive.

I got home to find him out with the kids at the park.

Bonus, even more time for me to exercise, shower and feeling ready to re-start the day.

Jack and I gently started to weave our way back together back home. Quietly and collaboratively making an abundant breakfast together. Which then turned into talking at the table about our big ideas in life. And then slowly about us and what happened earlier. ….gentle, slow, spacious and loving.

Piece by piece we put “us” back together until we ended up in each others arms, in our bed, and falling into one another.

Thank goddess I allowed myself to relax and receive.

This man, this love, this moment, this life of mine. This is the path of the relaxed receiver.

Are you ready to walk it with me?

6 months of the highest level mentorship with me. An intimate group. Coming back into your body. Raising your standards. Receiving in overflow from the masculine.

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Ever deeper, ever higher ~

Diana