What If He Is Dancing with You - And You Just Aren’t Seeing It?

If you’re in a relationship or have ever been in one, I’m sure you can relate to this question that one woman asked in my class two weeks ago:

“What do you do if your partner isn’t joining you in the work? I feel like we could be making much better progress if we were dancing together. How do I handle that?”

Yes, you can’t work with someone who isn’t willing to meet you there. But I felt there was more. 

We explored the truth of what’s actually happening in her relationship…and then I asked, 

“What if you simply aren’t allowing yourself to see that he actually is dancing with you?”

Exactly the words she needed (not necessarily, wanted) to hear.

Her partner was dancing with her.

He was meeting her to do the “work”.

He was willing.

It just didn’t look exactly the way she had decided it should.

This is something I often observe.

Women deciding the way it should be, versus accepting the differences between them and their partner.

There’s a reason you are seeking the polarity in a man.

He isn’t you.

He doesn’t think, act or talk like you.

But that doesn’t mean that he isn’t willing.

His moves just look different than yours.

And that’s a great thing.

There are two people who matter in a relationship. And it is in fact, a dance.

Your needs, your love language, your desires matter. 

Your approach, your way, matters.

And so do his.

If you like to hash things out as soon as they happen, and he needs space to gain his clarity, then you need to practice a dance that moves between the two.

Sometimes you speak in the moment, and sometimes you leave space and come back to it later.

It’s about sensing and feeling yourself and your partner.

It might not always look exactly the way you imagined it would, but what would shift if you moved your focus away from how it isn’t to how it is? If you were looking through the lens of love, what might you see? Could you see that maybe he has been dancing with you all along, you just weren’t able to see it?

With love,
Diana

P.S. The doors to School of Love are open for three more weeks. The group for single women is almost full, and there are just three spots left in the group for women in relationships. Want in? Check it out here, click the apply now button and let’s see if this is the perfect fit for you.